"A Short Story," or "Why I Haven't Been Blogging"

A Short Story

The Beginning:  Our story begins at 5:30am on a Thursday, in the bathroom.  I have been feeling nauseous for almost three weeks now…too long for a mild case of the flu.  I decide to take a pregnancy test, which turns out to be

POSITIVE

I am in shock.  I currently have an IUD in place—how is this possible?   We also had major difficulties conceiving our two sons.   I don’t tell my husband just yet.   I do not yet believe this test is correct.  That morning I have a few moments to myself without the kids, and I spontaneously turn into the CareNet Pregnancy Center a block from my house, where I take another pregnancy test, which turns out

POSITIVE

At this point, I decide that yes, maybe I am pregnant.

What are the chances?  That statistics say 1 in a 100 conceive with an IUD in place…but with a history of infertility as well?  Maybe 1 in 1000?  If this baby lives, this baby will be very special.  This baby will be God’s gift.

The Middle:  Worry sets in, and it does not go away for a long time.   

My husband is in grad school.  This is not a good time to have a baby.  Our youngest is not yet a year old.  How will I be able to handle three children 4 yrs and under when my husband is swamped with work and we are separated from extended family?  Not to mention that I still have an IUD in place…could it be affecting the pregnancy?  Will it be difficult to take out? 

I go to the doctor.  They decide they want to do an ultrasound before taking out the IUD, but tell me there will be someone on hand to take it out afterwards.

I get the ultrasound, but there is no one to take out the IUD yet, as planned.   I am angry and fearful.  I feel that every day the IUD is in place, the baby’s life is in danger.  Suddenly, this once helpful medical device now feels invasive…a noxious weed poisoning my body.   Despite being asked to wait only a week to have the IUD taken out, I feel that I cannot wait even this long, and make calls for an hour until I find someone who is willing and able to take it out the next day.  I am relieved.

The IUD is taken out with little or no consequence.  I am still pregnant, and much happier now.

My husband and I begin to talk about what this will mean for our lives.  We begin to plan and dream.  We begin looking at minivan reviews online.   We know that this is not a good time for a baby, but who are we to argue with the Creator?  We made our desires known, and God clearly overrode our decision.

The End:  One week after the IUD has been taken out, and only two weeks after my positive pregnancy test, I begin to bleed.  It starts off slowly, and after an afternoon of bleeding, I think, “Well, that’s it.  I’ve had a miscarriage.”  But this is only the beginning.  I bleed for days.

On Friday evening, I feel that I am doing okay.  A friend has graciously offered to babysit so that my husband and I can go on a date.  But at the restaurant a small child behind us will not stop yelling and jumping up and down on the seat behind me, and suddenly I begin to cry and cannot stop.   And so my husband gets our food to go and we eat it in the car, and I cry the entire time. 

On Saturday, I begin to cramp.  I cramp on and off until Sunday morning, when finally what remains of the baby has passed.   Afterwards, I am relieved, both physically and emotionally.   It’s done.  I’m empty.

We are doing better.  We are busy.  We don’t have  a lot of time to think about what happened, as we are planning Sam’s first birthday party this Saturday—one year old all ready!   We cannot believe how fast our little baby is growing up.   We are focusing not on the emptiness inside, but the fullness of life surrounding us.   And it is good.